This summer has FLOWN by. Faster than I can remember in any recent year, and I know it’s a huge cliche to be talking about it, like every other person on the internet… but I can’t understand how we’re a week away from September. It’s making me feel even more frazzled than I already do, all “no, wait, summer, you can’t leave yet! I haven’t eaten nearly enough burgers and hot dogs! I haven’t seen the Jersey shore!”

But here we are, and half the reason I’m freaked by how little summer is left is that there are some pretty Big Things in store for September. Or, I guess, just one: buying a house. After a few incredibly nerve-wracking days, we managed to get through the inspection negotiations, so we’re now on track for our closing in a little less than three weeks. (WTF. HOW is that possible??) The mortgage paperwork is, I’m told, ahead of schedule, and today I signed us up for a homeowners’ insurance policy. Like a freaking adult or some shit.

I know I wrote like this when the wedding was upon us, over-using the word WEIRD in every post but… it’s weird. It’s scary, the idea that we’re going to own a house in less than a month. That we are planning to buy actual adult furniture that we intend to keep for fifteen years (not more as-cheap-as-possible crap). We might even buy a bed bigger than the full I bought when I first moved out of my parents’ house.

I’m feeling really overwhelmed, at all of the packing we still have to do, at the notion that we’ll be moving two days after we close on this place. I’m scared about this town neither of us knows much about, that’s so very Miscellaneous Western NJ (almost everyone I know, even lifelong NJ residents, has no idea where our new town is. “Oh, yeah, okay. …Is that close to Princeton?”). What if it’s too far from everyone we know? What if I’ll hate the fact that there’s no Target or Walgreens nearby? (The one characteristic of this Miscellaneous Western Jersey area is that it’s much more spread out than Dan and I are used to; most things will be 20ish minutes away, with only farmland between here and there.)

And just like before the wedding, when all I could talk about was how weird it felt, and how hard it was to imagine it actually happening, that’s exactly how I feel now. Everyone is so excited for us… and it’s not that I’m not excited, or that I don’t love our new place, it’s just that I’m scared and intimidated and having a hard time picturing living somewhere so big and awesome. But maybe, just like with the wedding, it’s my heart’s way of protecting myself from disappointment and the let down of too-high expectations. If I’m not exploding with excitement now, if I’m so prepared for the things that might not be perfect, maybe buying a house will be just like the wedding – so much more exciting and happy and awesome than I could have been prepared for. I hope it’s like that, at least.

I leave you with a favorite from the archives:

because Jimmy Eat World feels like summer to me, and they take me seriously back in time to my college days, and it’s back to school time, and that line I’m a New Jersey success story always makes me super jazzed, even if it’s hokey and obvious to say so. I’d sure like to have a NJ success story this month.

Ah, Friday. Windows open, sun shining. Little things, more than ever, as ever. Since I last wrote, I deleted my Facebook page, so it’s entirely possible the small number out there reading this has decreased significantly. Deleting Facebook was strange at first, and then not really strange at all; I interact with many of those people on various other social media already. I have been surprised by the number of people who said “oh I’m so jealous!” or “I wish I could do that!” after I went for it. I wasn’t really expecting that. Other than getting lives in Candy Crush saga, I haven’t missed it much; if anything I feel a teensy bit more free.

We’re still house hunting, technically, although we haven’t seen any houses in person in two weeks or so, with the combination of Dan’s week-long business trip and then dueling sinus infections. We’re getting a lot of encouragement – “it’s so much fun!” “so many ups and downs!” but to be 100% honest? It has been frustrating and far from hopeful so far. We haven’t had any ups. I get angry watching House Hunters now, at people who sneer when there’s only one sink in the master bathroom, or that the appliances are WHITE I mean, heathens, amirite? I’d be perfectly freaking happy with white appliances, because some of the appliances we’re seeing are pre 1990. And with a master bathroom that (a) exists at all or (b) wasn’t so small as to require a special and miniscule (and green) sink. It’s still early, of course, and we really haven’t seen very many houses. I’m hoping we’ll get to see some more soon, and that it will feel more like “of COURSE we’ll find something we love in a town we don’t hate” instead of “maybe we’ll find something that isn’t TOTALLY AWFUL”.

I’m kind of discouraged and whining, of course.

But there have been some really fun times lately, including a capital Q Quest for a maxi dress (because I suddenly became convinced that I NEED one?), s’mores over a camp stove on Mother’s Day, a beer festival in the forest, pb&j at work for lunch (now that it’s summer and I’ve got the place to myself), and a new lens. And it’s finally warm enough for sandals again. And perhaps best of all, the countdown to our real, actual honeymoon is currently at 15 days. The weekend is great stuff, but an actual vacation? I can’t WAIT.

Happy weekend, dudes. Here’s a song I can’t get out of my head (the whole album, actually)

Spring did, in fact, arrive this week. For a few days, it actually seemed like we skipped straight to summer. Being on a college campus on the first really nice day of the year is something else – the students act as though it’s the fourth of July, breaking out their summeriest dresses/shorts/flip flops, driving past the office with music blaring through open windows, and throwing impromptu parties on their front lawns, complete with inflatable pools. I make fun, but isn’t that how we all feel on that first really beautiful jacketless day? Like drinking a beer on the front lawn while listening to loud music and shouting with your friends? Metaphorically, at least. You know.

We saw a few houses last week, and learned that there’s a pretty huge difference between a house built in 1800 and one built in 1915. Very old doesn’t necessarily always mean the same thing, obviously. The charm of a house that old can be hard to resist, until you’re standing in the house and realizing what owning it might actually mean in real life. I’ll still want to see every cute one that comes along, but the chances we’ll end up in a cute old house are probably not very high. We have a few more to see this week, and I’m glad about that. Touring houses feels so much more like action. Even if it’s not necessarily action, but process, still.

I’m so behind on Project Life, it isn’t even funny. I have been printing photos and planning out my pages, but I haven’t put anything together in weeks. I don’t really know when I’ll get a chance to work on it again, but I suppose I’ll keep planning and printing and get there eventually. Life seems to get in the way, and that’s okay sometimes.

Here’s the song I’m listening to on repeat this week. The Postal Service sends me back in time to 2003 like few other things. Ten years ago, when I was freshly graduated from college, working at a bookstore and trying to figure life out, and could never have predicted where I’d end up.

They said it would rain today, and instead it’s sunny and warmer than it’s been in what feels like forever. This has been a winter of celebrations and big changes, changes that are exciting and have made me so happy, but still. The idea of warmth and longer, brighter days and the fresh start that spring brings is irresistible. Even if it’s been anything but spring-like up until, you know, today. I’ve got my gold shoes and my rainbow pants ready, so it had better stick around.

I’ve been feeling kind of … totally overwhelmed the past few weeks, with all of the Life Thinking and Planning Dan and I have been doing. It’s amazing to be talking about things and have them be so much closer to real, rather than just “one day in the future after we’re married”, and it’s so exciting… but it’s also kind of completely nuts, too. I am and have always been someone who thinks WAY TOO MUCH, and wants to be able to plan everything as much as humanly possible. Maybe more than that, even. I think the hardest part about it is that Dan and I just spent an entire year planning a wedding – a day in which every detail can and will be planned out down to the color of the napkins. And now we’re talking about buying a house and maybe having kids eventually, and neither of those things are all that plan-able, other than deciding how much you want to spend and where you hope you can find a house you both like, and hoping it’s not too difficult to get pregnant. (And then you realize you just said the word pregnant on the internet and you feel even WEIRDER. I read about this stuff on other blogs, not mine.)

So, you know. Life. And stuff. Gold shoes and baseball and hoping everything blossoms soon so I can go take some photos is just so much simpler. But it’s sunny and warm today, and we’re going to look at a bunch of houses tomorrow (it’ll be like House Hunters! Except in real life! Should we be bitchy and unreasonable about granite countertops? Or stainless steel appliances?) and I think I’ll take a walk and feel the breeze.

(here’s a song that makes me happy:)

Can you believe Daylight Savings is this week? I took this photo from the parking deck on Monday as I was leaving work, just to compare with next week’s sun at that time. I am not a creature of winter, and I can’t tell you enough how excited I am to have the sunshine back in just a few days. (Even if it is snowing outside as I type this.)

I have been feeling a little bit lately like I imagined our wedding. Real, everyday life has been so … normal lately, with its normal stresses and our normal weekday routines, and I already don’t notice that it’s weird to be wearing two rings instead of one. (The name thing reminds me, of course.) It was only a little over a month ago, but it seems like ages.

But the awesome thing is that we’re going on a mini honeymoon this weekend, and both Dan and I are very much looking forward to a few days away together. (We are still going on a real honeymoon, but we can’t do that until the middle of June, so this weekend away feels like such a bonus.) So after another hour, I’ll pick up sandwiches and we’ll be on the road, driving away from this weird wintry March weather and toward some history, museums, astronaut ice cream, fresh air, and relaxation. Together.

Happy March, dudes! I love the start of a new month, and let’s just say tearing off 4ft by 3ft calendar page to turn to the new month is pretty emphatic. I took those last two photos of the tree outside our apartment, on the last morning of February and the first morning of March. I know March is supposed to come in like a lion, but the sky has been (mostly) blue, and the weather is (mostly) warmer and after the coldest winter in years, I’ll take all I can get. Bring on spring, bring on daylight savings, bring on sunshine.

Here’s a list of things that have been really awesome in the past few weeks:

• how light it is when I leave work
• the AMAZING quilt that Eleanor and Liz made for us as a wedding gift. I mean, it’s got tiny old timey baseball dude fabric!
• nights when Dan works late and I have living alone flashbacks
• the night AFTER Dan’s late nights are over, and I actually get to hang out with him again instead of attempting in vain to stay awake until he gets home at 11:30.
• planning and imagining big picture stuff for the next few months

I have been working long(er) hours to tackle an intense project that I haven’t been able to get to since I started this job in September, and it’s really satisfying to be making progress. After a few days of feeling gross, I decided to make some changes in my (awful) eating habits. I make these resolutions every few months and never stick with them, but I’m really tired of feeling this way, so my intention is to mean it this time. My name change is 95% official, which is crazy, and yet each time I sign my new last name, it’s a little easier. We finally made plans for a very-mini-honeymoon next weekend, and we’re both SO excited. I ordered some insanely red sneakers to wear for the days of walking, and Dan’s both horrified by them and sort of resigned to the fact that he did marry the kind of girl who would always choose bright red sneakers with aqua accents over a more standard gray or black.

I’m trying to read more, which was tough there for a little while, because although Cloud Atlas has been on my “to read” list since 2003 when I worked at Borders, and a million people whose opinions I respect LOVED the book, the first two chapters just really didn’t grab me. And when a book doesn’t grab me quickly enough, I just don’t read it. But I don’t pick anything else up, either, because giving up on books is just not something I do lightly. But I stuck it out and am now hooked (but reservedly so; ten years of hype is kind of a lot), so time to read is definitely on my list for the weekend. Also on the list: catching up on Project Life, working on the scarf Dan asked me to make for him (I can’t tell you how much I HATE changing colors when I’m knitting. I know it’s easy but ugh. Or, I should have made the stripes smaller so I could carry the yarn up the side), and hopefully getting to see Dan’s nephew (although I’m realizing that he’s actually our nephew now, isn’t he?).

I leave you with this video of the song I walked down the aisle to, “Specks” by Matt Pond, because his new album came out in early February and I know you mostly tend to love new albums from your favorite band ever ever, but the new album is just SO good. Even if there aren’t any good youtube videos from it yet.

It’s been a week, that’s for sure. I guess the biggest thing about this week is that I haven’t been able to focus on anything at ALL. Friends keep assuring me this is entirely normal, but it’s a strange feeling… edgy and stressed but it’s not like normal stress where I can distract myself… but it’s a sort of vague feeling underlying everything. Antsy but not panicking. Finding myself in strange situations where I can feel meltdowns close by but am able, for perhaps the first time ever, to talk myself out of them successfully.

It’s all just very, very weird.

I got to visit the university library this week, which I enjoyed immensely. We applied for our marriage license and it was easy and so, so quick. I was trying to explain to my brother how I had expected it to be less no muss-no fuss, and he just said, “you mean no fanfare??? no trumpets???” and I laughed, but I guess when you do something as Big as that, you do secretly sort of expect balloons to fall from the metaphorical ceiling. I suppose that the metaphorical balloons fall on the actual wedding day, duh.

I’m having trouble thinking of other things to report, but mostly it comes down to a whole lot of craft projects this weekend, a wedding-related photo project that will probably get me and Dan pretty tipsy (our wedding does have a beer theme, remember), trying to decide if I want to paint my own nails this week… and yes, trying to remember to take deep breaths and to appreciate all of these anticipation-filled moments as much as possible.

The song of the week is an older one that I loved long before it was in Dan in Real Life (which I watched with my own Dan). It was a top contender for our wedding song, but it isn’t our actual wedding song. I’ll always love it, though, because I can still picture dancing with Dan and singing it with him.

Do you have the slightest idea (No, I don’t)
Why the world is bright with you here? (Oh, is that so?)
Stay a while and wait and see (wait and see)
If things go right we’re meant to be

Oh, what a world this life would be
Forget all your technicolor dreams
Forget modern nature
This is how it´s meant to be