We found out on the first day of fall, a quiet Sunday only a week after we moved into our new house. We had an idea that it might be possible, but after a few disappointments, I couldn’t really let myself believe it was actually real. I always thought I’d be the girl to buy 20 tests and take them for days before it was possible to get a real result, but I waited. And waited. And waited. I had all these cute ideas about how I’d make Dan check, because I’d be too nervous to look myself… and the + appeared before I could even set the damn thing on the counter. Within seconds.
I made myself wait a whole 24 hours before I ordered the tiny red Converse.
I also ordered myself a new pair of chucks, partly because I needed a new pair of black ones, but partly so I could assemble my method of telling people. I nestled the tiny sneakers into the adult-sized shoebox, with a book and a few other random things to weigh it down and make it feel like it had big-sized sneakers inside.
A week later, a few hours into a birthday dinner for my sister, I told my family that I had bought a really crazy pair of Converse – maybe the wackiest pair yet – and I brought them for show and tell. I passed the box to my mom first, who opened it, looked at me in utter disbelief, closed the box, and handed it back. Then I handed it to my dad on my right side, who opened it, gave me such a Look, and handed it back. Meanwhile, my brother-in-law is all, “Well FINE. We didn’t want to see your new sneakers ANYWAY.” and I’m wondering how everyone is being so quiet as I try not to shake. Finally, I opened the box so my siblings and their significant others could see, and my sister screamed and jumped out of her seat, and chaos ensued.
It was pretty amazing. And the best part? They all honestly believed that it was just that I’d bought a pair of neon glitter-striped Converse and was so excited to show them.
We told Dan’s family in a more traditional way (well, by him pointing in triumph at my belly and waiting for them to catch on) but the reaction was equally chaotic. Waiting all this time to tell The World was really, really hard.
So I haven’t really been writing here, partly because of how tired I’ve been (which, yes, has been due to my moving hangover, and getting used to my new commute, but also because of my…condition), and partly because it’s really hard to say anything at all when you can’t talk about the ONLY THING you can think about, ever.
It has been hard to get this whole real-actual-baby idea through my head, still. I have been feeling (mostly) normal (and don’t get me wrong – I have been thanking my lucky stars to the moon and back every day for that), and I still look the same. It has felt a little bit like I just stopped drinking all that beer and diet coke to play some “let’s pretend I’m pregnant!” game. I think my appetite is finally coming back, although if I eat anything even closely resembling a normal-sized meal, I feel like I’ve just eaten four Thanksgiving dinners. (I’m truly worried about Thanksgiving itself; I may have to make my mom give me a dessert-sized plate to prevent me from causing my own misery with my inability to exercise any semblance of potatoes-and-stuffing self control.)
But we’re really just so excited. I have a million ideas for the baby’s room, and I’ve started crocheting granny squares for his or her blanket. Sometimes it all hits me – that there’s a baby in there – like a ton of bricks (like when I saw a tweet around Thanksgiving about how pregnant women have not one but TWO creepy skeletons inside them! ack!) I’m definitely afraid of many of the pregnancy symptoms people like to scare you with (“I hope you aren’t too attached to all those Converse! They won’t fit before this is over!!”) and hoping that above all, things go well from now until May (and, obviously, after that), and that this little one is healthy. This is such an adventure, and I’m so thankful to be starting it. And thank you all so, so much for all of your happy wishes – it was seriously SO grin-inducing to make all of our various posts public and see so many people sharing our excitement