It’s been a tough week. The strange, up-and-down weather didn’t help much; we had one of the prettiest days in months and then one of the gloomiest. But I keep seeing and hearing more signs of springtimey hope (birds chirping in the mornings! new growth on plants!) and I’m deciding to pay attention to those, rather than the fact that I’m back in my winter coat again today.
I had a bit of a meltdown this morning, and if there’s any type of crying I hate most, it’s “I’m about to leave for work” crying. Somehow, it all hit me at once – the frustration of getting bad blood sugar numbers without understanding how to fix them, how tired I am of wearing the same damn six shirts over and over and over (and how my family is probably thinking I only actually have ONE, since they only see me in the one “weekend” shirt that I love but can’t wear to work), how much I hate to stop wearing my wedding rings because they’re too tight now, how unfair it is that I can’t just be that stereotypical pregnant woman eating giant bowls of ice cream and entire bags of Doritos, how annoyed I am that the new stylist I tried this week fucked up my bangs so badly, and just how TIRED I am.
I suppose it all overflowed because of the hormones, but it WAS a long, frustrating week. And I’m tired. But I had my first real dream about the baby last night, and it was REALLY real. The baby even had a name in my dream. The baby kicks so hard now, and as weird as it is to see my belly move from the outside, it’s pretty freaking amazing, too. And next week at work is Spring Break, which means it’ll be quiet and I can catch up so I feel more on top of things. This weekend, we get to see some friends (and puppies) we haven’t seen in a while, plus celebrate my dad’s birthday. I might even get some time to work on some crafts.
So, you know. Good, bad, frustrating, hopeful. As ever.